Is it a “bad habit” or is it “an addiction”? (I can handle it, can’t I?)

Many of the people I meet in the rooms of recovery hit much lower bottoms than I did:

• They ate their way to over 300 pounds or had to be hospitalized for damage to their body from undereating or bulimia.
• Their partners separated from them because they wouldn’t stop overworking.
• Their children stopped speaking to them because of their controlling behavior.
• They accumulated $100,000 in debt without telling their partners.
• Or they wound up in prison as a result of consuming the wrong kind of porn.

Almost no one would quibble with any of those “bad habits” being reasons to go to a 12-step program. But with my kinds of habits, it never entered my mind to think of them as addictions.

I was lucky. I never came close to having any of those things happen to me. If I hadn’t randomly paid thousands of dollars for a coaching program for the (failed) business I was in at the time, I would likely never have had someone tell me I showed up like an addict, and I would have never ended up in 12-step anonymous programs. And as a direct result of having landed in those programs, I experience not only almost complete freedom from the effects of those addictions and compulsions but also:

• I am still married, and more happily than ever
• I have better relationships with my children and everyone I know than I would have
• I am a better worker, citizen, friend than I was
• I have deep peace of mind and stay in the present moment infinitely more than I would have before
• I have dozens of close friends from entirely different walks of life (that I would never have had otherwise)
• I have competence and clarity in many areas of daily living that were pretty much vague and chaotic before the 12-step rooms
• I have a strong relationship with my inner and outer spirit
• and most of all I have a real-time appreciation of a life beyond my wildest dreams

Most people know that when people can’t show up to work because they can’t stop drinking or using drugs, they belong in some sort of recovery or treatment.

But many people have something they might call a “bad habit” or a “gray area addiction” — like doom scrolling (or streaming) obsession, or overeating, or overspending, or hoarding — and they aren’t as lucky as I was to pay someone to tell them to get help. Many tell themselves it’s not that bad, or that they can quit any time.

And maybe they’re right. Who am I to say? In my case, although the idea of addiction never entered my mind, the minute the director of the business coaching program observed that I “showed up like an addict,” and asked me to go to Alcoholics Anonymous with her, I immediately knew what my addictions really were and that they were NOT alcohol (that I can take or leave easily).

The trajectory of my alternate timeline/addicted life was probably not tragic. It probably looked like getting back up to 250 pounds plus again, causing body parts to fail earlier and cognition to go the way our mother’s did (see the book Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar–Your Brain’s Silent Killers by David Perlmutter, MD to understand the connection), maybe it looked like a lot more resentment, and a lot less connection and joy and fun.

So I have a question for my readers: if you paid someone thousands of dollars to coach you and they told you that you “showed up like an alcoholic,” would you know exactly what your addiction was and what it wasn’t, the way I did?

Do you have to pay someone to tell you that? What if you just found the anonymous (completely free, spiritual but not religious) fellowship that best fits your “problem habit” (even though you don’t think it’s an addiction) and went now instead of when your spouse leaves you, or you lose your job, your life, or your joy?

Tool: The 12 Steps of __________ Anonymous

Purpose: Get a spiritual solution to a real problem

How to use it: Get yourself to the free, anonymous, spiritual but not religious 12-step program of your choice, ask someone to sponsor you, and start working the steps.

There’s no way your life will get worse, and it almost certainly will get better (even if you’re not really an addict like those other losers)

Primary Addiction & Recovery Programs

• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): Support for alcohol addiction. aa.org
• Narcotics Anonymous (NA): Support for drug addiction. na.org
• Cocaine Anonymous (CA): Support for cocaine/substance addiction. ca.org
• Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA): Support for meth addiction. crystalmeth.org
• Marijuana Anonymous (MA): Support for marijuana addiction. marijuana-anonymous.org
• Heroin Anonymous (HA): Support for heroin addiction. heroinanonymous.org
• Pills Anonymous: Support for prescription pill addiction. pillsanonymous.org
• Nicotine Anonymous (NicA): Support for nicotine addiction. nicotine-anonymous.org

Behavioral & Compulsive Programs

• Gamblers Anonymous (GA): Support for compulsive gambling. gamblersanonymous.org
• Overeaters Anonymous (OA): Support for compulsive eating. oa.org
• Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA): For food addiction. foodaddicts.org
• Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA): Support for sex addiction. saa-recovery.org
• Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA): Support for sex and love addiction. slaafws.org
• Debtors Anonymous (DA): Support for compulsive debt. debtorsanonymous.org
• Underearners Anonymous (UA): Support for overcoming underearning. underearnersanonymous.org
• Workaholics Anonymous (WA): Support for workaholism. workaholics-anonymous.org
• Clutterers Anonymous (CLA): Support for hoarding/clutter. clutterersanonymous.org
• Media Addicts Anonymous (MAA): Support for the compulsive use of all media.mediaaddictsanonymous.org
• Online Gamers Anonymous (OLGA): Support for game addiction. olganon.org

Emotional & Mental Health Programs

• Emotions Anonymous (EA): Support for emotional and mental health. emotionsanonymous.org
• Schizophrenics Anonymous (SA): Support for schizophrenia. schizophrenicsanonymous.org
• Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA): Support for sexual abuse survivors. siawso.org
• Violence Anonymous (VA): Support for survivors of violence. violenceanonymous.org

Reflection Questions:

• What will it take for you to be willing to get help for what’s hard for you to tackle?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen if you check out a 12-step program?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen if you didn’t check it out?
• What’s the best thing that could happen?

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[These days, I post first on my Substack newsletter, which, in addition to this post, has reflection questions, a tool of the week, and the latest events. To subscribe to that newsletter, go to the bottom of the home page at https://sarastevensnichols.com/ or find me on Substack at https://substack.com/@sarastevensnichols]