Did you ever have one of those snaps of yourself that you judged at the time of taking, wishing it didn’t exist, but then years later you see it again and think—hmmm, I looked great back then, I wish I knew it? What if that were true about your whole life, not just how you looked?
Here’s one of those pictures, probably taken of me in mid-1997, judging by the size and age of our daughter on my lap. I imprinted my self-image at the time on the photo, so that’s what I saw: a fat, beleaguered mom barely hanging in there. Indeed, it was a tough time for me, managing an infant and her 2-and-a-half-year-old brother at the same time as a stay-at-home mom while their father worked a demanding job and trying to ready the house for sale (see last week’s angel story for some of how I got through that time).
But when I look at the photo with 25 years of hindsight, I see a young, happy beautiful mommy with a lovely child and an abundant life.
The thing is, all of these interpretations of this image are valid: I was fat, beleaguered, happy, beautiful, and blessed all at the same time.
It makes me wonder what part of today’s reality I am missing.
When you look at this more recent picture of the same mother and child 26 years later, what do you see? What should we see? For one thing, it’s a little hard to tell by looking at these two that they’re living in a fascist hellscape. But believe me, they are. The evening before, the fish taco place in Pacific Beach was out of the catch of the day by dinner time, and they had to come back the next day by lunch, I mean!
[Tulsi Gabbard: “Siri, search for the words ‘fascist hellscape’ and give me the identity of the bloggers. Siri, give me the contact info for all such bloggers. Siri, are there really that many people named ‘Sara Nichols’? Try ‘Sara Stevens Nichols’ — that’ll show her for search engine optimization”]
It’s a good reminder that my family and I are still here in California and free to travel even while other people’s loved ones have been whisked away. I’m mindful of all those photos of Nazis happily picnicking near concentration camps.
Wow, I digress. Or do I? The point is that the “truth” of any given time is elusive and only in our heads. And every person’s truth is different and varies from the vantage point, especially through the lens of time.
Can we do it all at once? Can we cease cooperating with any reality that doesn’t serve us, while appreciating and loving the one that does?
