I Know What I Need to Do, How do I Get Myself to Do it?

I’m preparing to lead this “Healer, Heal Thyself” support group for one year starting in January. As interested as I am in the tools that have worked for me and others to get well (whole foods, exercise, meditation, gratitude, forgiveness, service), I am perhaps more interested in what gets me to do them.

See, it’s my experience that many people (especially in the new thought or new age world) know (or think they know) what works for them to get well. For example, I knew for years that if I ate smaller portions of food I would lose weight and keep it off–did I do it? No. For years I suspected that if I did daily exercise I would feel better, be happier, lose weight, and keep it off–did I do it? No.

I have more than one friend who struggles with chronic debilitating symptoms that are almost instantly alleviated by eliminating one or more foods (such as sugar wheat or dairy) from their diet–do they do it? In most instances, no.

We can know everything about what works for us and be self-help geniuses but if we are not doing what we know to do, how much is it worth? Who is paying attention to what actually works to get us to change habits? Who studies it? In anyone other than rats?  Maybe the focus on the next new diet fad is not so much because we’re searching for something that we think is doable?

Would it be all right with you if life got easier?

Long before James Clear wrote his best-selling book, Atomic Habits, which covers some of this ground, I attended a three-and-a-half-day workshop that significantly closed the gap for me between knowing and doing: then called Mastering Life’s Energies, now called Mastering Your Life taught by Maria Nemeth and the Academy for Coaching Excellence in Sacramento, California. In it, they pose this question: would it be all right with you if life got easier? If the answer is no, they suggest, the mystery is solved. Years and many workshops later, this workshop, which I took to become more successful in business, remains by yards the single most impactful educational experience of my life.

In the years since this workshop, I have released 60+ pounds of weight. My diet and exercise habits have been completely transformed. I have been given a steady and fulfilling spiritual practice. Every relationship I have has been strengthened and transformed. My relationship with money has been healed and transformed.

How did it all happen? It happened because, in this workshop, I learned how to be coachable.  I learned how to take the advice I was freely given by the universe and, well, follow it. And, most importantly, I learned that I can’t do it alone, that I must have other people with whom I check in regularly and I must have accountability.

It takes 30 consecutive days of doing anything to change a habit. I cannot flick a switch, set an intention, and have a habit change. I need to break it down into baby steps, usually with someone else’s help.

And I need to say, “Today I’m taking this baby step.” And then call the next day and say, “I didn’t do it.  Today I’m taking this baby step for real and this is what I’ll do differently to support myself in succeeding” or “I did it!  I’m going to do the same thing today!”

I’m not saying you have to take this workshop, but if I really want change, I do need support, accountability, and to take small steps. Twelve-step programs provide this for free. Kaiser Permanente and some other health systems have good support groups set up. Don’t try this alone.