inside my brain: phase 3 of re-opening

 

ok, i have my mask and gloves in my purse, i should be fine in this store

i am putting my mask on because i care about you

the mask doesn’t protect me it protects you

so this shows i care

i’m wearing a mask, why aren’t you wearing a mask?

i care about you, why don’t you care about me?

why should i care about you if you don’t care about me?

can’t you see how fucking caring i am?

every time i put on the mask, i feel like i’m protecting myself and not you

but that’s not scientifically true

i think that you think that i am trying to protect myself because i feel unsafe

that’s not true. i’m trying to protect you

you are making me unsafe because you refuse to protect me

i feel helpless that i am dependent on you to protect me and you are dependent upon me to protect you

 

what if i wrote “i have covid-19” on my mask?

as far as i know, i don’t have it, but what if i wrote it?

would that make the people around me think twice before being indoors without a mask on?

probably not

 

maybe i should write “black lives matter” on my mask

it’s a white mask so a black sharpie would show up well on it

will people who see “black lives matter” on my mask know that i not only care about black lives but i care about them?

how would i convey both?

is this why people always want to say “all lives matter” because they are worried that if they say “black lives matter” people will think that they don’t care about the other lives?

maybe i should wait until after my weekend trip to calaveras county to write “black lives matter” on my mask

that’s the kind of place where they may hate people who wear masks and they hate people who believe that “black lives matter”

well that’s entirely cowardly, sara

if you believe that “black lives matter,” you need to prove it

you can’t just wear that in the city of sacramento where it’s the cool thing

okay, okay, i’ll wear it in calaveras county but i better tell my husband to have his camera ready in case i get beaten to death

that’s not even funny

i didn’t mean it to be funny