the liquid protein diet and me

in yesterday’s post, the end of overeating and me, referenced some of the many diets i used to diet my way up to a size 24–one of them was the liquid protein diet which actually was called “the last chance diet“

here’s why i went on the diet and here’s what happened to me:

i was about 16 years old and i was cast as ethel toffelmier in the san diego jr. theatre production of the music man.  although this was a perfectly decent part, being cast as ethel was mortifying because ethel is officially overweight.  it is absolutely essential that ethel be overweight because she is engaged to marcelus who is also overweight.  

the day i was cast, i began trying to lose weight so that i could be the first thin ethel toffelmier in the history of the world. i don’t remember what i was trying to do at first but it wasn’t working fast enough and i wasn’t on a trajectory to my goal.

fortunately, i read or heard (this was 1977 or so and there was no internet) about the last chance (liquid protein) diet.  fortunately it was the summer production and my parents (both teachers) and little brothers were going on a summer vacation without me (i was 16 after all and very responsible).  the second they left the house (or maybe even before if i could get away with it) i limited my consumption to however many spoonfuls of liquid protein a day they recommended.  i was rehearsing (which involved a big dance number so a lot of physical exercise too) and over a matter of a few weeks lost 40 pounds.  

this drove the costume mistress (that’s what we called her, yes) crazy at the time.  she measured me and then made the costume to spec, and now it hung on me loosely.  the costume was made.  i was supposed to be fat so she kept adding more and more padding to the costume for me to appear fat in it.  i hated this of course because it defeated the whole purpose of the weight loss.

at final dress rehearsal, i was up on stage, day 21 or whatever of no food, wearing my hideous fat suit, dancing my heart out with marcelus and harold hill to the song shipoopi when suddenly i feel faint (i wonder why) and fall into the orchestra pit (with an actual orchestra).  fortunately for me, a cushy base case broke my fall.  i remember coming to with a bunch of adults huddled around me, cast members’ parents, one of whom, apparently, was a doctor.  he asked me, “when did you last eat?”  i said, “what day is it?” and they started force feeding me oreos and oj.  the gig was up.  fortunately my parents were unreachable.

people who followed the “diet” (it’s really a stretch to elevate this monstrosity even to the level of a “diet” because there was no food involved–maybe we all might want to remember that the next time we try a “diet” – “diets” by definition are to lose weight, not to be healthy or live well or to maintain a healthy body weight) ate 2-3 tablespoons of liquid protein per day for weeks at a time.  that was it.  the diet killed people.