i live in sacramento where we have been in a locally ordered countywide shut down since midnight on wednesday march 18th. on march 19th, 20th, 22nd and 23rd i covered the first four stages of shutdown: denial, anger, bargaining & depression (see those posts). none of this is linear, i might go in and out of denial, anger and the rest of the stages throughout the day let alone week or month, especially now. today’s stage is acceptance.
what is acceptance? it’s important to note that acceptance is not the same as condoning or liking. i don’t have to like it. i don’t have to think it’s okay. if i want some peace, eventually i might consider acceptance.
what is allowance? having said that, a wise person once introduced me to the term “allowance” over “acceptance.” acceptance seems hard and fixed and permanent. this is always going to be this way. it will never change. and somehow i have to live with it. allowance means simply that i allow things to be the way they are. and what choice do i have in that, right? they are the way they are. i stop using my vital life energies to defend, judge, bargain, blame against what is happening, i allow it.
consequences of not accepting (or allowing)? well, it can be much more painful in the other stages. denial is all right because i’m in practiced oblivion but anger, bargaining and depression are stressful. accepting/allowing on the other hand has a freedom to it. every time i start to feel overwhelmed i can make a list of the things i can change and the things i can’t. generally the things i can change list is very short.
