I not only say the Serenity Prayer on a regular basis, I use it as a way to deal with almost anything that bothers me.
I reset my day and my mind quite frequently by saying aloud the 12-step version of this prayer, usually with other people. Sometimes, though, something is bothering me enough to actually sit down and figure out what I can or can’t change about something.
For example, last night’s 2-hour State of the Union address by President Trump awakened some feelings in me (not that I watched it, are you kidding me?). Time to take stock using the Serenity Prayer:
What CAN’T I change about Donald Trump being President?
I can’t change:
- that Donald Trump is currently the President of the United States
- that he seems to think he’s President of only the people who voted for him
- that he is exploring declaring war on Iran, as well as Venezuela, and whatever it takes to acquire Greenland
- that his administration is actively arresting and deporting mostly non white people, mostly without due process of law
- that his administration is systematically eviscerating funding, enforcement, and oversight of environmental, civil rights, education, and other laws and programs duly passed by Congress and/or ratified by the Courts.
- the list goes on…
What CAN I can change about this?
- I can continue to vote for sanity
- I can continue to call my elected representatives
- I can continue to pay attention, help my neighbors, and donate my money and time to organizations that are working for a world that works for everyone.
But what if I see what I can and cannot change and I’m still really angry and resentful about what is happening? What if I don’t want to “accept” it? What if I think “accepting” it is just a form of collaboration with a dangerous regime? What if far too many people “accepted” what Hitler, Pol Pot, or Stalin was doing? What if that’s part of the problem?
A friend of mine has a bumper sticker that says
Don’t blame me, I voted for sanity
Well, I “voted for sanity,” too, but sanity didn’t win. So this makes me wonder, if I’m angry and resentful of what I cannot change, am I still voting for sanity? Or am I actually “voting” (in consciousness) for anger and resentment?
To keep voting for sanity every day, maybe that’s when I need to break out Serenity Prayer author Reinhold Niebuhr’s preferred version it:
God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Reinhold Niebuhr preferred version (1943)
Something about the phrase “give us grace” reinforces that serenity must be granted and accepted, it doesn’t come just from listing out what I can change or cannot change. It also implies the resentment can just be lifted from me. It doesn’t require effort.
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