What is a blog, exactly?

That’s roughly the level of on-line savvy of my average reader. The answer: no earthly idea. It’s short for “web-log,” but you know knew that, right? It’s an on-line journal. My God, man, isn’t it obvious?! I won’t respond to anymore of these inquiries!

Snichols Announces Snout-based Movie-rating System–first movie, Dogville

Although Snichols, the author of “Snicholsblog,” renounced her love of pigs over a decade ago with a party on Capitol Hill, a haunting reminder remains (mostly in a box in her closet marked “pigs” which may cause some faithful readers to hum “pigs in the attic, there’s no denying. pigs in the attic, there’s bacon frying. they are blue. you are pink. they leave no hairs in the bathroom sink…”)

Yes, despite, or perhaps because of, this long dead porcine obsession designed primarily for people to have something to give you on Christmas (or Hanukah–when winter comes, look for my “Shiksa Hanukah” series), I find that the only way that I can convey my rating system for movies is not stars, nor thumbs nor animated popcorn, but rather snouts (up to be precise)–(:)

To give you a sense of my system and sensibilities (the new Jane Austin):

Level (:) = “Bill and Coo,” the all-parrot western

Level (:) (:) = “Clan of the Cave Bear” with Darryl Hannah–grunt if you want me

Level (:) (:) (:) = “Kramer vs. Kramer” good acting, good script, okay, what’s next?

Level (:) (:) (:) (:) = “The Big Easy” ‘You ain’t from around hea, ah you sha?’

Level (:) (:) (:) (:) (:) = “Moulin Rouge” this movie was made for me! Play it again!

3 Snouts Up for Dogville — “Our Town” Gone to Hell

I rode my bike to the Tower Theater (Save the Tower!) and saw the movie Dogville. I’m too tired to do it justice now, but I think you should see it. It’s like Thorton Wilder’s “Our Town” gone to Kafka hell before your eyes. I’m certain I’ve never seen a movie like it before–shot entirely on a sketchy crime scene of a set. It’s not as hard to watch as I’m implying, but requires more of the patience of a Eugene O’Neill experience, with all the philosophy, but without the glorious dialogue–very memorable though and completely unique. The only reason I’d deny it the 4th snout up is that I didn’t think it was that well-written or acted, but it was certainly well-conceived and extremely riveting.

The straight poop on cubscouts

Let’s set the record entirely straight: the game I played with my son’s cub scout troop is called “the movie game.”

Invented by me and a group of twisted theatre kids in 1979 over a couple of bottles of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill (oh God, was I sick), the game went on to achieve its 15 minutes in Lisa Birnbach’s College Handbook description of Reed College’s favorite drinking game.

Decades later, I morphed it back into a kids game, minus the drinking and the obscenity. I’ll describe how to play it another time. Sara