in snichols’ mind

To increase the eerie but annoying quality of referring to herself in the 3rd-person, snichols has often frightened her children by narrating aloud their day as if they were all in a cheezy potboiler–it goes something like this:

“As she picked up N— and E—, she smiled, looking forward to their weekend together. These were good times and these were good kids and they’re especially cute this afternoon clad in the ‘CU Later Alligator’ and ripped dinosaur t-shirt and pants replete with bathrobes that have sufficed for a sleepy rainy Friday pajama day at school. So she expected a good time and a good welcome.

What she got was this, ‘no!!!! I don’t want to go to gymnastics. I’m tired. I just want to enjoy my Friday. You never let me enjoy my Fridays!’ And this, ‘what? oh no. Is she going to scream about gymnastics again? Do I have to go too. I’ve done all my homework and I don’t have anything left to read, I don’t have anything left to d0-oo.'”

At this point, her narrating aloud the events has only caused the screaming to increase. “‘Stop narrating!!! You’re not being nice at all! I don’t love you anymore!’ ‘Wait. I like the narrating. Keep narrating, mom. It’s cool.’ She begins to wonder whether the afternoon will be so sweet and fun afterall, and whether, in the final analysis, she’ll wish that she were chained to the proverbial desk, watching the clock and trying to keep from eating that last cookie in the lunchroom.”