I have been meditating daily for about 20 years, which means I must have started when our children were about 3 and 5. Various tricks have worked for me throughout the years. This past week, keeping my meditation practice up while caring for a 3 and 6 year old for 2 days, I gained some new ones. Some apply to any situation; some may be unique to child-rearing; take what you like and leave the rest. Here then are my top tips for starting and maintaining a regular meditation practice with children in the house:
o Pick an activity you’re already doing and do it mindfully. It really doesn’t matter what that is.
o A great one can simply be walking or driving the children to school. Set that as a meditation time.
o While you are doing it, when you notice your mind going to your to do list, or a worry, or something like that, just notice that and label where your thoughts have been aloud (or under your breath) like: Planning, Future, Past, Worry.
o And then come back to the present moment. Notice any feelings that come up. Are you judging yourself for not being able to present? Notice that. Are you feeling anxious because you think you need to be somewhere else, doing something else? Notice that. Are you grateful for your 3 year old shouting “daffodil!” as he points at one?
o Make a deal with your co-parent (if you’re lucky enough to have one) to wake up and go straight to meditation. If you have a separate room, even a bathroom that you can do it in. Do that. Even 5 minutes a day makes a difference. If you don’t have a separate space, just ear buds and a smart phone and click on a recording gives space in a chaotic room. I can recommend specific recordings.
o Teach your children to do meditation with you. If your children are under 10, you may be able to all learn how to meditate together. Children naturally love meditation.
o Consider using a recorded meditation to transition from last story to sleep. Put one on that everyone involved in bedtime can hear and then cuddle in. Let it run for 5-20 minutes. If you need to be able to sneak out, have the device you use be an ancient CD player or something you can leave in the room.
o You could do the same thing early in the morning. If the kids are prone to sneaking into your bed before dawn, slip in 1 ear bud in your ear, another in the kids and snuggle in to meditate.
o Another time might be just after school. Have a snack, meditate and then play. It will re-set everyone
o Be patient and loving with yourself no matter what happens. That is part of the meditation experience. It takes time to build a practice.
o Get some other parent (not in your household) to do this with you. Tell each other the truth each day by a quick text or check-in at the playground. Here’s what I did. Here’s what I didn’t do. Here’s what I intend to do to support myself to do this tomorrow.
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o Set a goal of meditating 20-40 days straight. Social science shows that around that amount of time is required to create a new habit. It must literally be every day, not just most days, in order to establish the habit. Don’t beat up on yourself if you miss a day, but don’t say that it “counts” toward the days straight. It doesn’t. Start again. Until I do any new thing 30 days straight, it wont be part of my life.