I admit it, I keep up on current events–the things of importance to the world, like whales in the Sacramento River delta. The kids and I scour the news every day for the latest on these large mammals in our midst. I haven’t been obsessed enough to join the 10,000 people who endangered the levees in West Sacramento to catch a glimpse of this mother and calf cavorting in fresh water, but I understand the impulse and certainly, time permitting, the kids and I would have ridden our bikes 2 miles to get a peek.
The current commentary lines in our household/community on the whales are these:
1) On their names. The Sac Bee had a naming contest, but before they could complete it, Lt. Governor John Garamendi took it upon himself to name the whales “Delta” for the mom and “Dawn” for the calf. The Bee then decided to accept these names as an official act of state. It’s nice that whale-naming falls within the Lt. Governor’s limited jurisdiction. Apparently he has some experience in this area. Over a decade ago, when the last whale made its way from the San Francisco Bay up the river, John Garamendi was in the State Assembly representing a Delta district. At that time he made the bold decisive move to name that whale “Humphrey,” thereby saving his constituents from the horror of a nameless whale in their midst.
I’m assuming (but am too lazy to check) that in running for his current office he had a whale-naming plank (or should I say plankton?) in his platform–he has now fulfilled that campaign promise (Note: I think his naming rights are limited to the Sacramento River; all LA River whales are to be named by Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa; all Mendocino County Russian River whales are to be named by Cheech and Chong).
Not being Lt. Governor, I have no business in whale naming, but I still think the best monikers for these Humpback whales (known to marine biologists as the “cows of the sea”) would be “Dumb and Dumber”–why the heck did they leave the sea and swim upstream in fresh water? Hel-lo!? You’re whales?!
2) How the “scientists” “affect” the whales’ behavior. Is it only me or are the reports on what the “whale experts” are going to try, completely ludicrous? It’s obvious to me that these guys have no idea what they’re doing. Their actions on getting the whales to head back out to sea so far have been about as purposeful and well-thought out as my brother in law’s when he chased a bat in his house around for an hour and a half before beating it to death with a tennis racket.
Here are some of their “expert” activities:
a) “give the whales the weekend off” before intervening. Do whales observe weekends? Was it really the whales that needed a weekend off?
b) run tugboats by them and hope they’ll follow–“here, whale, follow the tugboat, whale”.
c) (today) start banging on pipes underwater hoping that it will send them downstream (apparently my two year old nephew IM’d them this suggestion).
Could someone at least please call Sea World and send one of those cute trainer girls in a wet suit up? Maybe that could get some action (out of the scientist if not the whales).
3) On why the whales came inland in the first place–my son N (who was sick all last week as the whales made their journey inland) had a theory as to why they chose to come up:
“They heard I was sick and they came to see me and make me feel better. When they found out I was well, they turned around.”
This statement would of course be adorable in a 5 year old–in a 12 year old, it’s, well, it’s even more adorable. Unfortunately, his explanation only holds water through Sunday when, yes, N’s health and the whales both turned around and headed out to sea (okay, the health didn’t head out to sea but you get the idea). By yesterday, however, the whales had done another 180 and were apparently seen shopping for beach chairs and towels at Ikea in West Sac. My daughter E has a cold today, maybe that’s why they’re staying.
Don’t get me wrong, I wish “Delta” and “Dawn” well, and do very much hope they make it safely back to sea. It’s the humans that seem to be swimming in circles–bang on the pipes, maybe it’ll help.